This is a sample. A real industrial business, scored and rewritten through the free tier. Run yours in three minutes.

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ABOUT PAGE REFRAME · SAMPLE

What a rewrite looks like

For Gulf Coast Electrical in Baton Rouge.

HOOK STRENGTH SCORE

28

Invisible

The original About page scores here. The rewrite below is what you get instead.

WHAT I FOUND

Generic phrases the rewrite removes:

committed todedicated tosolutions

The rewritten opening

FREE

“Eighteen years ago in Baton Rouge, Gulf Coast Electrical started doing industrial electrical work because food-processing plants kept shutting down production lines for failures that should have been caught on the last inspection. We specialize in food-grade and pharmaceutical cleanrooms, the kind of environments where a missed connection means a recall, not just a callback. Every plant manager who calls us has already been through the contractor who cut corners. Our job is to make sure it does not happen twice.”

WHY THIS WORKS

Opens in a specific year and place, names the exact problem the buyer has lived through, and closes on a stake, not a feature list.

The paid version adds

  • Four-paragraph narrative: opening, what you do and who for, a proof point, and a closing that tells the buyer what to do next.
  • Three alternative first sentences to test which hits hardest with your specific buyers.
  • Two things to never say on an About page in your industry.
  • A visual note: what image or context makes this copy land harder.
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